“There is a misconception that if you ask someone if they are considering suicide then your question will put the idea in their mind. None of the research I have seen on the topic suggests that is true,” said Elizabeth Brown, Lena Pope Family Therapist, Clinical Team Lead. Because suicide can be a scary topic, we spoke with one of our experienced staff about how we can all be part of preventing suicide and offering support to those who are struggling. Suicide impacts people of all ages; at Lena Pope we’ve seen clients as young as four describe to us thoughts of harming themselves. Suicide is a scary reality, but there is help available. Here are some resources to aid in prevention and early-intervention.
Pay Attention & Notice Changes in Behavior
It can feel overwhelming and uncomfortable to know where to begin such an important conversation, so start by noticing what’s going on with family, friends, coworkers, etc. If you notice someone is more withdrawn or has changed their usual activities, check in with them. Elizabeth’s tip is to stick to what is observable: I’ve noticed you haven’t come to volleyball in two weeks. I’ve noticed you don’t want to eat when we go to your favorite restaurant. Is there something you want to talk about? Those kinds of observation statements are clear and easily understood. “It’s normal to feel nervous about what to say. Every situation is different which means there is not one right phrase to say.” Elizabeth said. When you don’t know the right thing to say, it’s better to say, “I don’t know what to say, but I am here with you and want to help you however I can. Or I wish I could say the right thing, I’m here with you and I want to help.” Be open with the person you’re concerned about.
Ask Directly
“It’s best to come right out and ask in a clear and direct way – are you thinking about attempting suicide? You don’t have to be a therapist in order to help someone.” Elizabeth told us. “The most important things you can do are ask, listen without judgement, and connect them with appropriate resources.”
“I would rather potentially offend someone by checking on them instead of having a feeling I should reach out, brushing that feeling off, and then losing that person,” Elizabeth encouraged.
Listen Without Judgement
When we want to help someone, it can seem like sharing our insight is the best thing to do. Instead, Elizabeth encourages us, “Most people want someone to listen. They need time and space to talk about how they are feeling. When we start trying to fix it or point out where they are wrong, that can be discouraging and cause them to stop sharing with us.”
In a heavy conversation it can be hard to stop ourselves from helping someone see the logic in the situation or giving a breakdown of how they ended up here. But, it’s better to listen without providing your perspective and instead let them talk about how they are feeling. Tips for how to listen without judgement:
• Let the other person talk
• Listen without thinking about what to say next
• Keep your facial expressions compassionate or neutral (non verbal expressions can speak louder than words!)
• Empathize – For example: “That is tough. That is a really difficult situation.“
• Thank them for sharing something so personal with you
Identify a Next Step
988 is the National Suicide Helpline, available to call or text 24/7. Locally, MHMR has an iCare line also available 24/7; simply call or text 800.866.2465.
If someone in your life has told you they are considering attempting suicide, stay with them until you can get them connected to a professional. You can say something like “Let’s call 988 together.” A professional will help you identify next steps which might include making an appointment, staying with someone who can help keep your friend safe, or going to the hospital. You can offer to sit by them while they make a phone call or text. “It’s important to offer to be present with them to help them see they are not alone,” encouraged Elizabeth.
Continue to Check In
After your friend has a plan in place, continue to check in. Asking for help takes a lot of courage and can feel scary. Offer to sit in the waiting room with them until they can see a therapist. Ask them how you can be supportive. You can say things like, “I’m thinking about you, how are you doing?“
Remember, it only takes one person to help someone feel less alone. We hope these tips can help you be that one person.