Healthy, meaningful relationships are an important part of life for adults, teens, and children. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and unfortunately teen dating violence is more common than you might think and can happen in any type of relationship. At Lena Pope, we believe in teaching teens how to create meaningful and healthy relationships, ensuring they have the tools they need to treat others with respect and advocate for themselves.
According to LoveisRespect.org, 1 in 3 U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with before they are adults.
At Lena Pope, we want to stop dating abuse before it starts. We asked Lena Pope family therapist Breanna Gammon, LMSW, what we can all do to increase awareness and prevention of teen dating violence.
Signs to watch for
There is science behind listening to your gut. If something feels off, then oftentimes there is something off. Listen to your gut and investigate further. While it can be very common for teens to have a singular focus on whoever they are dating, if it seems like your child no longer talks about anyone or anything else and is solely focused on this person, that is a red flag.
“If you notice your child’s partner putting your child down in front of others, talking over them and not letting your child have a voice, those are signs that abuse might be present,” Breanna stated. Explosive anger or overreactions can be another sign. “I had a client whose partner wanted her attention, so he kicked her phone out of her hand, which was an overreaction to the situation,” said Breanna.
Other signs:
- Isolation from people/activities they used to like
- Bruises, marks, or other signs of physical abuse
- Partner speaks for your child or child defers to their partner suddenly
- Humiliation, put downs, criticism
Keep Communication Open
In all Lena Pope’s programs, we emphasize creating an environment where your child knows they can talk with you about anything. What things can you do to help foster that kind of environment?
- Talk openly about healthy relationships and what they look like. Describe what kind of behavior they should expect. This applies to romantic relationships, friendships, etc.
- Discuss dating violence; it is a real issue.
- If unhealthy relationships have been witnessed by your child, discuss those behaviors and what was ok and what wasn’t ok.
- Talk about love languages, how different people receive and give love.
- Tell your child they can come talk to you about any concerns.
Signs of a healthy relationship
- Valuing each other’s opinions
- Making decisions together
- Accepting responsibility for actions
- Admitting being wrong in the relationship
- Being willing to compromise
- Supporting each other’s goals
- Respecting each other’s right to feelings, friends, activities, etc.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
- Making and/or carrying out threats
- Making someone do illegal things
- Using intimidation
- Put downs, humiliation, guilt trips
- Controlling what someone does, who they talk to, what they read, etc.
- Using jealousy to justify actions
- Making light of abuse or saying it was the other person’s fault
- Treating someone like a servant
Conversations like this aren’t easy, so remember we are all human, which means we don’t always get it right. It’s ok to tell your child that you didn’t handle a situation in the way you would have liked. Ask to redo the conversation. Allow your child that same option when they need a redo.
We know conversations like this can feel overwhelming. The best thing you can do is start and continue having open conversations with the teens in your life. There are many resources in our community and online that you can turn to for additional support to help prevent and end dating violence.
Resources
Lena Pope’s Healthy Boundaries Group (for youth 10-17). Call 817.255.2652 for an assessment