Has your child ever come home from school and it seems like out of nowhere they have a giant meltdown? We talked with Tela Thorton, LCSW, Lena Pope Family Therapist, about this phenomenon and what we as caregivers can do to help.
Tela shared, “there’s actually a term for this! It’s called ‘after school restraint collapse’. Your child has been doing their best to follow the rules all day at school and being on their best behavior can sometimes mean holding back their sensory needs, emotions, and impulsive behaviors. After school, kids can release everything that has built up during the day, and it sometimes looks like a giant meltdown. But, remember that this is a good thing because it means that they feel safe at home to express their emotions freely.
Self-care is so important because it helps kids transition between school and home. The first step is making sure their needs are met – snacks, water, etc. Sometimes getting all their wiggles out with a dance party or doing jumping jacks is a big help, and make sure you join in! “Most importantly, parents and caregivers should be active participants in kids’ self-care until they are able to do it on their own,” Tela reminded us. Which means as caregivers we need to check in with ourselves before we pick up our kids to make sure we’re regulated and ready to help them.
Some kids need time alone, some need to go outside and play, some may enjoy a board game with friends, and some may need you to help them calm down. It’s always so useful to have some mindfulness tools, like belly breathing, in your back pocket to help your kids if they’re having a hard time after school. The most important thing to remember is that mindfulness skills work best if they’re practiced on a daily basis while your child is calm.”
One suggestion is to calm the chaos of school is to create a calm, soothing space in your home. Creating this area with you child is a great way to encourage them to use it! Tela recommends the area have “pillows and blankets (or maybe even a tent!), as well as sensory items such as fidgets, play doh, and chewy jewelry. If the space is still loud, you may need some noise cancelling headphones. This area is meant to be a quiet space for kids to calm themselves and reset before the next school day.”
Back to school also means there’s less time between school and bedtime to create connection as a family. Don’t worry, Tela has more tips for us! “Dinner as a family without electronics is one of the simplest ways to connect. You can even use conversation starter questions to bond even further. Do chores with your kids, like folding laundry or doing the dishes. Show them that you’re on their team while spending some quality time together. Perhaps the most important thing you can do is spend just 15 minutes of uninterrupted one on one time where the child gets to lead the play. Of course, reading before bed is the classic bedtime connector. Sit on the floor and play Legos or have a tea party. Just spending that 15 minutes together helps connection grow in amazing ways.”
School schedules can get very busy quickly! Talk with your kids about their routine and what is coming ahead of time. Be honest about what to expect and you can spend time problem solving together. Please remember to plan in some breaks and avoid overscheduling your kids. Another important strategy is to teach kids how to ask for a break when they need it.
Overview:
- Kids need adults to be active participants in their self-care until they are able to do it on their own. That includes making sure you as the adult are regulated before pick up!
- Make sure they have a snack, some water, etc.
- Get their wiggles out with a dance party – be sure to join in!
- Create a calm, soothing space in your home & let your child help create it! include pillows, blankets, & sensory items like fidgets, play doh or chewy jewelry
- Teach them how to ask for a break and try not to overschedule their time
- Family dinner without electronics
- Do chores together (fold laundry, do dishes) to create connection
- 15 minutes of uninterrupted one on one time where your child chooses how you play
- Reading together before bedtime