Boys and men experience emotions just as deeply as anyone else, but society has often placed limits on how they are encouraged to express those feelings. We spoke with Lena Pope Mental Health Therapist Jacob Jones, LCSW, about the importance of helping boys develop healthy emotional skills early in life and how caregivers can better support emotional growth.
Emotional Vocabulary
“One of the biggest challenges is that many boys are not given the same emotional vocabulary,” Jacob explained. “Sometimes the first feeling a boy identifies is anger, when underneath he may actually feel embarrassed, hurt, disappointed, or overwhelmed.”
Jacob compares emotional vocabulary to how people describe color. Some individuals have a broad language for identifying shades and tones, while others may only know a few basic color names. The same can happen with emotions. Without words to identify what they are feeling, children may struggle to communicate or process emotions in healthy ways.
Tools like an emotion wheel can help children build emotional awareness and develop more emotional granularity. Expanding emotional vocabulary gives children the ability to better understand themselves and communicate with others more effectively.
Caregivers also play an important role by modeling healthy emotional expression and openly discussing emotions themselves. When adults name and process their own feelings in healthy ways, children learn to do the same.
Listen Instead of Fixing
Many adults feel pressure to immediately solve problems for children rather than first acknowledging the emotions behind them. Jacob notes that boys, in particular, are often taught to “fix” problems quickly instead of sitting with emotions or talking through them.
Listening is a skill that takes practice. Simply responding with statements like, “That sounds frustrating,” or “I’m sorry that happened,” helps children feel heard and understood. Acknowledging emotions teaches empathy and helps children learn how to support others in the future.
Pause Before Rushing In
It can be difficult to watch our children experience disappointment, sadness, or frustration. However, rushing to remove every uncomfortable feeling can unintentionally prevent children from learning how to process emotions independently.
“Emotions aren’t something that need to be ignored or pushed away,” Jacob shared. “They need to be understood.”
Allowing children space to feel and work through emotions helps build resilience and emotional confidence over time. Crying, frustration, and discomfort are natural parts of emotional development and can play an important role in processing experiences.
Jacob compares emotions to a superpower: powerful when understood and managed well, but overwhelming when ignored or misunderstood.
Keep Trying
Emotional growth is not about perfection. Parents and children will make mistakes along the way, and that is part of the process.
“Keep trying,” Jacob encourages. “You’re not going to handle every situation perfectly, and your child won’t either. What matters is continuing to learn and grow together.”
Modeling self-awareness, apologizing when necessary, and revisiting conversations after emotions have settled are all valuable lessons for children to witness. Children learn not only from what adults say, but from how adults handle their own emotions and relationships.
“There is no hack or shortcut when it comes to emotional growth,” said Jacob. Processing feelings takes time, patience, and practice. Tools such as breathing exercises, emotional vocabulary activities, and open conversations can help children build lifelong skills for emotional wellness.
By creating space for boys to identify, express, and process emotions in healthy ways, caregivers can help raise more emotionally resilient children.